It may still be too early for a real gleaning, maybe it’s more of a lunchtime inspiration 😉

During the weekend seminar I noticed some things and phrases that are generally difficult, because you evaluate yourself and often lose sight of the other person.

I had already had a little chat with the leading cameraman during the video shooting in Potsdam, but this time it struck me again. At the seminar were mainly parents and people with spina bifida and / or hydrocephalus. From time to time „the affected“ or „special“ children were mentioned. I find both formulations problematic and can reach the listener or the person being talked about very differently.

If one takes (here the example of congenital spinal paralysis), for example, „affected“ is thus immediately addressed as the field of meaning of being affected, being affected is described in the Duden as „confused by something (negative, sad), moved inwardly, touched“, i.e. a perspective that sees above all from the outside inwards. As a result, the handicapped or their relatives unconsciously place the handicapped in a negative position.
In a certain sense, this opens the door to a blockade, whether in self-image, self-perception or even in the social sense.

If one took „concerning“ instead, it concerns the one and his next. „According to the dictionary, „to concern“ is „to apply to someone, to relate to someone, to approach someone, to be significant“. A disability first concerns the person who has it, it is of more or less great importance to him. However, it is important to me that no evaluation is made in the literal sense. How you interpret it is up to you, it can be positive, neutral or negative.

One could also make the whole still at the word pair „ill-healthy“, „handicapped not handicapped“ festmachen, above all at the use as synonym pair. That would go too far here.

Only briefly to the „special“ child… Yes, it has a handicap with corresponding effects, but is one doing the person a favour to call him „special“? In the past, schools were called special schools, and many associations for the disabled, parents etc. came across them. Then they were called special schools, but who goes? „Special“ kids. What does that mean in particular? Here, too, the interpretation that comes first is rather negative for most.

VirginiaSatir4

A large part of the seminar was about communication based on the models of Virginia Satir, a family therapist who died in 1988. There are a few things that have particularly appealed to me, some of them with perhaps long-term consequences. Since I don’t want to let the blog get out of hand for an excursion in communication science, only abridged what appealed to me.

1) There are 3 things that are important or decisive in communication: me, the other and context. If there is a lack of feeling for one thing in each case, it makes communication more difficult. From this 4 types of people developed and I felt reminded in some of past, present mistakes and what I do „wrong“.
2. the final text (see yesterday’s blog post) hit me pretty hard inside. On the one hand, because he fit me partially (and I felt suitable for someone else), caused eerie reactions to the front and finally made me very worried and helpless from the side, even though I knew that it was okay, it could have been different, but then I would have become even more helpless… That everything went quite quickly afterwards was a relief for me.
3) „Give yourself and others the time you need: Patience is always difficult and everyone loses it every now and then. Since the sentence reminded me of a current problem that concerned me, it did not pass me by without a trace. Even if I promised the necessary time in some (still valid), in others it is a bit difficult from time to time, especially if one becomes too obviously more and more uncertain of his thing.

Last but not least, I found it a pity that only in very few cases families (yes, I was also alone) were present. Talking to others about others who are not on the spot, albeit indirectly, is a somewhat problematic matter…

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